10 Signs You're Too Hard On Yourself & 10 Ways To Curb The Habit
Be Kind to Yourself—You Deserve It
Are you constantly nitpicking your flaws or previous mistakes you made? While it's natural to want to strive for the best, if you're always beating yourself up over the smallest things, you might be pushing yourself too hard, which negatively affects your mental well-being. Does this sound like you? Here are 10 signs you're way too hard on yourself—and 10 ways to curb the habit.
1. You Always Expect the Negative Outcome
No matter whether it's a work project or an important exam, you always expect the worst. Even when you study for hours on end or you work your butt off without giving yourself proper breaks, you still think you won't get the result you wanted.
2. You're Never Satisfied with Your Work
When the results come in and you do exceptionally well, you're still not satisfied. Maybe it's only now that you see the minor mistakes you made or parts you could've done better, and you're disappointed in yourself because you let yourself make those errors.
3. You Constantly Compare Yourself to Others
It doesn't matter how well you do or how much you fix yourself up—in your eyes, you're never first. You eye the works of others and how they carry themselves, and you feel a deep sense of envy, wishing you were as great and memorable as they are.
4. You Criticize Yourself Repeatedly Over a Mistake
No matter how minor or major the mistake, you beat yourself over it. Even when that small error doesn't detract from the rest of your hard work, you don't see anything else but the flaw. Heck, you might still criticize yourself over a slight hiccup you made years ago!
5. You Interpret Unfriendly Behavior as a Sign of a Fault
When you're at social functions or work, you may come across people who aren't as friendly as everyone else. But when these people are only rude to you, you start to wonder if they dislike you because of something you did.
6. You Never Celebrate Your Successes
Finally, you did it: you hit your goal. You secured that higher position you wanted at work, or you aced that important exam you had. But even when these successes call for a celebration, your brain jumps immediately to what you should be tackling next. You don't interpret these major accomplishments as something you should be proud of. After all, you were supposed to achieve them, anyway.
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7. You Nitpick Everything You Do
You don't just nitpick your appearance or your clothes or your style—you nitpick everything you do. Just like how you're constantly comparing yourself to others, you're never satisfied with your own unique qualities and traits.
8. You Don't Believe It When People Praise You
When people compliment you or praise your work, you don't believe it. You think they're just being kind for show, but that they don't actually mean it. In fact, you brush aside all the good comments and only mull over negative criticism.
9. You People-Please
Since you think it's a sign of a personal fault when some people are only unkind to you, you start to engage in people-pleasing behavior. You burn yourself out to satisfy the wishes of others, and even when you want to say no, you say yes.
10. Despite Your Achievements, You Feel Like a Failure
Even though you have a long list of achievements to look back on and be proud of, you still feel like a failure. In your eyes, these achievements aren't really successes. And on most days, you just feel like an imposter, not really knowing what you're doing.
These are just some of the signs that show you might be too hard on yourself. But how can you break out of this habit of negative thinking and be kinder to yourself? Let's take a look at 10 ways.
1. Forgive Yourself
No matter what mistake you made, let yourself recognize the error and then let it go. Recognize that you tried your best and that the effort you put in is all that matters, not the result. You're human, not a machine, so don't push yourself to your limits.
2. Set Time Aside for Self-Care
Even if it's just 10 minutes a day, set some time aside for self-care. Do some meditation or breathing exercises or engage in an activity you enjoy. This will allow you to better manage your stress levels over time instead of working all day and all night.
3. Have Fun Doing the Things You Do
Let yourself have fun. Instead of constantly nitpicking your abilities and focusing on achieving perfection, just let yourself enjoy the activity without putting so much pressure on yourself. And every now and then, give yourself a pat on the back for your hard work.
4. Recognize That You're Uniquely You
You're unique, with your own thoughts and feelings and styles and traits. Don't put yourself down just because you think you're not good enough. You're worth much more than the unkind comments you give yourself. You have plenty to be proud of, so focus on your strengths and not what you think are "flaws."
5. Learn From Your Mistakes—Don't Dwell on Them
When you make a mistake, no matter how big or small, the most important takeaway is that you learn from them. They already happened—you can't rewind and unmake those errors. So, instead of beating yourself up over what's now in the past, just focus on improving yourself so you don't make them again.
6. Set Boundaries When Needed
Don't say yes when you want to say no. If you never set clear boundaries, people are bound to overstep and assume you're fine with it. Similarly, don't fall into the habit of people-pleasing just to respect the wishes of others and ignore your own needs.
7. Journal Your Thoughts
Another form of self-care is to journal your thoughts. Set some time aside in the morning or at the end of the day to write out your thoughts. You can use it as a place to vent, set goals, talk about your achievements, or anything else.
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8. Socialize
Even if you're an introvert and prefer to stay at home, you should still find time to go out and socialize every now and then. Not only is it great for your physical health, it's beneficial for your mental health, too. It may help to connect with others and share your current thoughts and frustrations, instead of bottling them up and keeping them to yourself.
9. Shift Your Mindset
Instead of only seeing your flaws and mistakes, shift your mindset. Teach yourself to ignore and deflect all the bad comments your brain gives you by rephrasing those critiques into constructive ones. This way, you'll feel more encouraged and motivated to improve.
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10. Don't Take Life So Seriously
Life should be fun and you should be happy enjoying the things you do. All the flaws and mistakes you're beating yourself up over now will eventually mean nothing, so let them go and let yourself be free to learn, explore, and grow. Remember: You deserve kindness.
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