10 Classic Signs Of Social Anxiety & 10 Self-Affirmations To Help You Overcome It
Rewriting the Social Script
Do you struggle with making conversation or get extremely nervous about attending social events? You might have social anxiety—and you're not alone. It's estimated that about 15 million American adults—seven percent of the population—are diagnosed with this condition. But how can you know for sure, and what can you do to overcome it? Here are 10 classic signs of social anxiety to watch out for—and 10 self-affirmations to help empower you.
1. You Analyze Everything You Say
Whereas it's easy for others to throw a greeting or engage in small talk, you freeze up whenever it's your turn to speak. Conversation starters might come easy for others, but for you, you never know the right thing to say. You might rehearse a single line 20 times before you even utter it out loud.
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2. Your Heart Rate Skyrockets in Social Situations
No matter if it's an intimate get-together with friends or a crowded social event with strangers, your heart goes crazy. You clam up, sweat, and stutter—even when you're not talking. Just being in the situation alone is anxiety-inducing enough, and you wish you could go back in time and refuse the invitation.
3. You Avoid Meeting New People
If you have a few close friends, they're your everything. It's not that you don't want to meet new people or make more connections, but that requires going out of your comfort zone and initiating conversations, so you'd rather avoid these opportunities and stick close to the people you already know.
4. You Obsess Over Every Detail of a Social Event
When you do have social events you can't avoid, you obsess over their details when the date draws close. How many people are going to be there? Who will you know? How do you get there? Who can you go with so people don't laugh when you arrive alone? All these thoughts cloud your mind and cause your nerves to spike as you anticipate the day.
5. You Struggle with Dating
You have a million excuses for why you don't date. After all, dating often requires meeting someone new and holding a conversation throughout the duration of it. But then there's your appearance: what if you don't dress well enough, or they don't like your hair or your style? This gives you so much distress that you continue to put off dating.
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6. You Think Everyone Is Staring at You
Whenever you're outside, you think everyone is secretly staring at you and mocking you. What if they're judging you for not covering up that blemish on your face, or maybe your hair is a bird's nest in the back and you forgot to fix it? Even though people likely aren't paying attention to you, you believe the exact opposite.
7. Avoid Asking For Help or Raising Your Hand
Even things that seem to come easy for everyone else—like asking for an extra packet or two of ketchup or raising your hand to ask a question—are extremely difficult hurdles for you to cross. Instead, you prefer to stay quiet. Your server got your order wrong. It's okay—you'll take it.
8. Avoid Making Phone Calls
Never mind social situations where you have to physically be present, but even phone calls make you nervous. What if you say the wrong thing or stutter so much that you end up annoying the other person on the line? The thought spikes so much anxiety in you that you might even write out entire scripts before punching the number.
9. You Don't Expect to Make Friends
Because you fear social situations and avoid initiating conversations, you don't expect people to even want to be friends with you. You just always assume you'll be the one in the corner with your phone while everyone else is grouped off. What you're probably getting wrong, though, is that people aren't avoiding you because you're an oddball (which is what you believe is the reason), but rather because you don't approach or seem to want to talk to anyone.
10. You Wonder What Life Would Be Like Without Social Anxiety
You often fantasize about what you'd be like without social anxiety. Would small talk, making friends, and just conversing with others come easier? Would you be more confident and less insecure and self-conscious? If only you didn't have this type of anxiety, you would be able to thrive and meet more people.
But there's good news: social anxiety doesn't have to take over your life forever. The best thing you can do is to reach out to a therapist to get treatment to manage your symptoms, but repeating self-affirmations could help as well. Here are 10 that may help you overcome your difficulties.
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1. People Are Paying Attention to Themselves—Not Me
You might think others are always silently judging you, but in reality, people are often too worried about themselves—like you are—to care about anyone else. This affirmation will help to remind you of that. Plus, even if you do catch someone staring, assume that they're thinking positively of you instead of the opposite.
2. I Don't Have to Be Perfect to Be Worthy
You might think you need to act a certain way, speak a certain way, or have a certain personality, look, or style in order to be perceived well by others. But the truth is, you don't have to be perfect to be worthy. You are worthy just as you are.
3. This Too Will Pass
Your anxiety at the moment may feel insurmountable and overwhelming, but this, too, will pass. All the worries you have, all the racing thoughts—you'll overcome them, just as you always do and just as you always have. Don't let them take over. You are the one in control.
4. I Have Many Great Qualities
You're more than your social anxiety. You have other incredible traits, like your kindness or your great listening skills, that make up your personality, and you should be extremely proud of that. After all, you're defined by those qualities and the way you carry yourself—not by anxiety.
5. It's Normal to Feel Self-Conscious
Don't feel ashamed for feeling self-conscious in front of crowds or with strangers. It's completely normal to not want to embarrass yourself in front of other people, and it's not just you who feels this way. Even the most confident ones have their moments of insecurity. That's what makes us human.
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6. I Am Stronger Than My Anxiety
Your anxiety doesn't define you and it certainly doesn't control you. You're stronger than it, so don't let those negative thoughts convince you that you're not. It may help to think of your anxiety as a bully and to ignore or challenge every mean thing they say with something positive about yourself.
7. Every Interaction Is a Chance to Grow and Learn
When you have social anxiety, every conversation feels daunting. But don't think of these interactions in a negative light, where you're always expecting to come out of it having embarrassed yourself. Instead, shift your mindset: these interactions are opportunities to learn and grow, and every chance you get only builds your confidence and experience.
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8. I Don't Need to Impress Anyone
You don't need to come up with the perfect reply or conversation starter in order to jump into a chat, because you don't need to impress anyone. Plus, their feelings aren't yours, so why should you control how they react? Just let things flow naturally.
9. I Am Different and Unique, and That's Okay
Just because you're quirkier than everyone else doesn't mean that you need to change yourself to fit in. You're amazing the way you are, and your uniqueness makes you one of a kind. Instead of trying to hide or suppress your individuality, embrace it.
10. My Words Are Worth Being Heard
Even if your voice shakes, your heart rate skyrockets, or your hands get clammy, say what you want to say. Don't stay silent just because you're worried about how people might judge or think about you. Your words are worth being heard, so go ahead and say them.
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