10 Common Arguments Every Couple Has & 10 Strategies To Overcome Them
It’s Not You, It’s Them
Despite how much you may love each other, arguments are a natural part of any relationship. In fact, some topics keep coming up over and over again for couples. With that in mind, here are the most common argument subjects, and 10 ways to stay on top of them.
1. Alone Time
Being together with your partner is a wonderful thing, but just as we need someone in our life, we require alone time as well. Having alone time doesn’t mean that your partner doesn’t want to spend time with you, it can be a good and healthy thing to not always rely on one another. If you feel like your relationship has a bit too much alone time, or not enough of it, it might be a good idea to voice it to your partner and talk about it.
2. Finances
While it is true that money is a necessity, it shouldn’t be something that makes or breaks your relationship. Money does significantly affect our lives in nearly every aspect of it, making it crucial to talk to your partner about how you both manage your finances. Some arguments arise from shame or embarrassment from either past poor spending habits, or sometimes unrealistic expectations.
3. Jealousy
Jealousy is one of the biggest things that destroys relationships. While at its core it does mean that the person cares and is scared of losing their partner, it can leave deep roots of toxic behaviors. Checking your partner's messages or emails only leads to one of two outcomes—either you find something and are left brokenhearted, or you don’t find anything and you lose trust in your significant other.
4. Decision Making
Making decisions with your partner can be a very fun thing, but it can also lead to many headaches. While easy things like what to eat for dinner or what show to watch tonight are small and harmless, there are other, bigger things that can leave you with a bitter taste in your mouth. Respectfully discussing and hearing your partner out is very important in avoiding conflicts during big decision making.
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5. Household Responsibilities
Living with someone means you both have chores to do around the house. Whether it’s cleaning, cooking, doing the laundry, or anything else, a clean space more often than not means a happier relationship. It doesn’t have to be a 50-50 split down the middle, as not everyone has the same strengths or preferences when it comes to how they keep things clean.
6. Lack of Attention
We all like to feel noticed and heard by our significant other. When we feel there is a lack of attention, it can make us feel unneeded and unimportant very fast. Just like showing affection, showing attention is important and sets a good foundation for a healthy, happy, and loving relationship for years into the future.
7. Work/Life Balance
It’s not always easy to find the perfect balance between work and our personal lives. Whether you like or dislike your work plays little to no role in the stress it can bring when you don’t properly dedicate your time to making your partner feel like they are an important part of your day. Make dedicated quality time for your relationship to thrive and grow.
8. Intimacy
Romantic relationships are very different from friendships because they include a lot more care, emotion, as well as intimacy. The easiest way to avoid these types of arguments involving lack of intimacy is to communicate with your partner about your needs, desires, and preferences. Not everyone has the same drive, so knowing what your partner craves and adjusting yourself to it can save you a headache, and potentially your relationship as well.
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9. Emotions
We all have emotions and sometimes they can go out of whack for one reason or another. Having a good insight and understanding of your partner's needs, emotions, or tells can be of great help and will definitely make your partner appreciate you and feel more loved by you. Regardless of your gender, we all feel emotions, and your partner should be the one person you can always go to no matter how you are feeling.
10. Goals
It is important to be ambitious in life and have a clear goal as to what you want from life. Not everyone has it figured out at the same time though, which can make your significant other feel like you lack ambition or have no drive. It is important to understand that not everyone knows what they want at all times, but a helpful thing to do is to help your partner figure it out and be there for them when it gets hard.
Now that we have talked about some common argument topics, here are 10 tips to stay on top of the fighting.
1. Talk About Everything
One of the most simple things you can do to overcome issues is simply talk. There’s a reason the saying “communication is key” is so commonly used, and that’s because it actually is. Simply sitting down and having an honest conversation can help resolve so many conflicts.
2. Don’t Blame
Shifting blame and pointing fingers can be incredibly easy to do, but it doesn’t mean it will resolve anything. While it’s hard to do in the heat of the moment, try focusing on the solution, not the problem. Nobody likes to hear that they are to blame for anything, so the best thing to do is to let it be in the past where it belongs and focus on solving the issue.
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3. Don’t Hang On To Things
Holding a grudge can be very mentally damaging and in some cases even cause the end of relationships. If you hold on to small things, they build up over time, leading to very hard resentment and negative feelings towards your partner. You have to weigh the difference between if holding on to things is more important to you than your entire relationship.
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4. Be Mindful Of Your Partner's Emotions
Emotions are an incredibly important factor in life, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. Making sure that you are paying attention to how your partner is feeling, or if they are going through something tough can be a turning point for the both of you. Ask your partner from time to time how they are feeling, or if there is anything you can do to lift some weight off their shoulders.
5. Be Transparent
Making sure that there aren’t secrets between you and your partner is one of those things that can strengthen the relationship immensely. While some things are definitely not important, there are those that can make or break the trust in a relationship. Being transparent about them can build trust and strengthen the bond you share with your partner.
6. Don’t Lie
Lies of any kind are the beginning of the end when it comes to a big number of relationships. You might think a white lie here and there is fine, but there’s no such thing as a small lie. A lie is a lie and it is better to not entertain those practices if you wish to have a strong relationship with your significant other.
7. Don’t Downplay Your Partner's Concerns
Sometimes we see things differently in life, and that does not exclude problems and issues we face. While you might not think something is a big deal, your partner might disagree with you completely. It is important to not brush off their concerns, as the issue they are posing might mean a lot more to them than you realize.
8. Never Yell
Yelling accomplishes absolutely nothing constructive or positive. There should never be a reason to yell at your partner if you have any respect for them. A nice, calm, civil conversation can solve most of the issues you are facing, while yelling just adds fuel to the fire and ruins the trust and respect for one another.
9. Listen
Something that is incredibly simple but is taken for granted very easily is listening to your partner. Whether it’s them venting about something, or actually asking for your advice, being attentive to what they are saying shows incredible respect and care about their needs. Make sure it goes both ways, that way both parties in the relationship feel equally respected and valued.
10. Admit When You’re Wrong
It’s not always easy, but admitting when you are wrong shows strength in character and maturity in a relationship. While it might be hard to take responsibility for some things, admitting your wrongdoings shows your partner maturity and willingness to grow. That is not an invitation to keep doing wrong things though, but a proof of trust and mutual respect.
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