What to Do When Communication Breaks Down
Relationships don’t stand a chance without proper communication—but can you recognize poor habits with your partner? Most importantly, do you know what it takes to rebuild the bridge? Don’t worry, we have some red flags to look out for and a few tips on how you can talk to your partner.
1. Getting Defensive
It’s normal for us to lose our temper in an argument, especially a heated one, but those behaviors often break down communication. Whether raising your voice or personally attacking your partner, defensiveness causes resentment and can ruin active listening.
2. Passive-Aggressive Behavior
Common passive-aggressive behaviors include denying your anger, giving your partner the silent treatment, and constant complaining—and they’re all telltale signs of poor communication. Engaging in these behaviors impedes effective conversation or any conflict resolution.
3. Ignoring Each Other
It’s normal to give each other some space after a heated argument. However, the goal is to cool tempers and come back when things have calmed down. Continuing to ignore each other or giving the silent treatment detracts from proper resolution.
4. Cyclical Arguments
If you and your partner constantly have the same disagreements, it’s likely a sign of poor communication. Arguments should be resolved and without that key piece, you and your partner are doomed to repeat the same behavior.
Photo By: Kaboompics.com on Pexels
5. Resentment
As if cyclical arguments weren’t bad enough, they’re also a major component of resentment. When you don’t solve your problems or learn how to effectively communicate with your partner, a lot of built-up tension goes unresolved. In turn, resentment leads to further poor communication.
6. Negative Assumptions
Your partner can’t read your mind. Assuming they know how you feel is a surefire way to go unnoticed and build even more anger. Proper communication means plainly stating what you need and how you feel.
7. Dismissive Behavior
Dismissive behavior comes in many forms. Sometimes it’s ignoring your partner’s feelings. Other times it’s walking away from a conversation. However it looks, dismissive behavior won’t help you resolve anything and often only makes a situation worse.
8. Invalidating Each Other’s Feelings
The last thing a heated argument needs is gaslighting. It can be devastating to hear that your feelings “don’t matter” or that you’re blowing things out of proportion, which leads to less communication in the future for fear that you’ll get dismissed again.
Photo By: Kaboompics.com on Pexels
9. Unresolved Issues
When you don’t communicate, you don’t resolve anything, and those issues fester. Unresolved arguments don’t seem like a big deal at first, but a dozen unresolved arguments quickly build into something that destroys relationships.
10. No Active Listening
Communication is more than just talking—it’s about actively listening to your partner. Whether it’s denying any fault or interrupting your loved one, a lack of basic understanding makes it even harder to speak up in the future.
The good news is that, despite these problems, you and your partner can take the necessary steps to strengthen your communication. Let’s dive into a few useful ways you can bridge the gap.
1. Understand Your Feelings
First and foremost, it’s important for you to understand your own feelings. Where do they come from? Why do you feel this way? Honest reflection provides insight into how you can better communicate, and which strategies work best for you.
2. Establish Healthy Boundaries
Healthy boundaries keep the peace moving forward. You’ll plainly state your expectations and draw lines in the sand, which helps you both better understand each other and avoid conflict. They also help prevent any miscommunication.
3. Active Listening
Couples thrive with active listening—give them your undivided attention, don’t interrupt, and try to understand things from their side. Active listening ensures a healthy conversation and can open the door to new perspectives that help avoid further arguments.
4. Don’t Raise Your Voice
It’s tempting to raise your voice during an argument but that kind of anger only makes you both more defensive. Try to remain calm and open to understanding; a level-headed conversation brings you that much closer to long-standing resolutions.
5. Use “I” Statements
The classic “I feel” statements ensure you don’t place blame on your partner—regardless of whether or not it’s on purpose. They help you communicate properly, express your feelings, and keep you both calm during disagreements.
6. Be Vulnerable
Effective communication begins with honesty and vulnerability. It’s important to open up to your partner so they better understand your point of view and you can work together to find sustainable solutions.
7. Time Deep Conversations
Believe it or not, timing is everything in certain conversations. If there’s something heavy on your mind, let your partner know in advance that you want to speak with them. A simple head’s up can calm emotions heading into a discussion.
8. Set a Goal
Disagreements should have a clear, attainable goal. From misunderstandings to hurt feelings, work with your partner to reach a healthy resolution instead of holding on to anything negative. That way, you can both move forward without resentment.
9. Talk Face-to-Face
We’re not in high school anymore, which means face-to-face conversations are a must. Don’t leave fights or serious discussions to text messages. Show your partner (and yourself) the respect of sitting down in person.
10. Head to Therapy
If things get really bad, there’s no shame in going to therapy. Professional therapists act as mediators for you and your partner, allowing you both to speak your peace and work toward a resolution together. Sometimes it’s best to get an outsider’s perspective.
KEEP ON READING
