Related By Blood But Not In Heart
As much as we all hope for loving parents who support us no matter what we do, parent-children relationships can be very difficult and complex. Sometimes, moms and dads have a difficult time expressing their love, while some unknowingly put pressure on their children by projecting old dreams and wishes. Whatever the case is, here are 10 signs to tell if you have difficult parents and 10 ways to deal with them if you do.
1. They Don't Respect Boundaries
Do you have parents that open your bedroom door without knocking or ask you private questions that are taken a step too far? Even though they raised you, it doesn't mean they have the power to overstep boundaries. You're allowed to have your own personal space, in fact, it's healthier to.
2. They Embarrass You
From sharing personal stories to their friends to calling you out in public, it's one thing to lovingly joke with you, but it's another to fully embarrass you in front of others. That's not love, that's toxicity. It can be very damaging to a person's confidence and self-esteem, especially if they're still growing up and finding out who they are.
3. They Point Out Your Shortcomings
Parents are supposed to support their children and soothe them during their rough moments, not point out their shortcomings and make them feel worse about their failures. If your mom and dad do the former, we can see how you might have a difficult relationship with them.
4. They Don't Communicate Well
Whether they're frustrated, upset, or hurt by you, difficult parents never make it clear or communicate with their children how something made them feel. It can make kids feel like they're left in the dark, dealing with parents who might mistreat them but without ever saying why.
5. They Struggle To Express Affection
Have parents who rarely say I love you or gives hugs? It might just be that they struggle with showing affection, not that they don't have any! Remember, parents aren't perfect, they're humans too.
6. They're Over-Controlling
From choosing who you can hang out with to making decisions for your future, over-controlling parents struggle with understanding when they're crossing the line. But remember, it should never feel like they're making too many restrictions on your life; they should be respectful, not restraining.
7. They Project
Have you ever felt like your parents were trying to make you live their dreams? Sometimes, parents can project their goals and emotions onto their children without knowing. Whether it's a missed opportunity or dream from their own childhood, they can sometimes push these burdens onto their children, causing them stress and panic.
8. They Make You Feel Guilty
You should never be forced to feel bad about your mistakes or failures, and if your parents are the ones making you feel that way, it's time to draw a line. It's unacceptable behavior and will only ruin the parent-child bond.
9. They Put A Lot Of Pressure On You
Are you starting to feel like your parents are burdening you with their expectations instead of encouraging you to be the best you can be? From getting straight As in school to being the best soccer player on the team, it can be stressful when you feel pressured to meet your parent's wishes all the time.
10. Their Love Is Conditional
Only get compliments or "I love yous" when you succeed in reaching their expectations? That kind of conditional love is unhealthy and makes kids feel as though they're only worthy if they're able to accomplish their parent's goals. It can lead to a very dangerous and self-damaging way of thinking.
1. Be Strong About Boundaries
If your privacy constantly feels like it's being invaded, you have to put your foot down. Tell your parents clearly what your boundaries are and that you feel like they're not respecting that. Communication is key if you want to rebuild your relationship with your family.
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2. Sit Them Down
Cutting the corner and playing games hoping that they'll understand is never the right move. You really want to see change? Sit your parents down for a serious talk so they know you're not joking around. You need to get the message across in a way they'll understand.
3. Build A Support Group
If you feel that you have a difficult time with your parents, ease the burden by building a safe support group of other close relatives and friends you can count on. These should be people you know you can go to for advice and feel comfortable talking to about serious issues.
4. Let Yourself Breathe
Dealing with family issues is always a struggle, so if you find yourself caught up in a mess, don't forget to be kind to yourself and let yourself breathe. Your mental health and well-being is the most important thing here.
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5. Don't Try To Please Them
If nothing you're doing seems to satisfy your parents, stop making it your life goal to please them by doing more than you need to or fulfilling their requests. As their child, it's not your job to do everything they say - you're allowed to live your life and they should be there to support you.
6. Don't Share Personal Facts
If you're finding that your parents constantly use your updates and personal stories as weapons or means to ridicule you in front of others, stop sharing them. You're allowed to keep things private and to yourself, especially if it's for your own well-being. You don't need to tell your parents everything - not when they're using it against you.
7. Know When To Walk Out
Are things getting heated in an argument or conversation with your parents? Don't be afraid to take two and step back when you need a minute. Just because they're your parents doesn't mean you have to take whatever they say. If they start being disrespectful or aren't being cooperative, you're allowed to walk out if needed.
8. Share Your Own Personal Goals
Instead of making your parent's goals your own, change the narrative and think about what you want to work for. Share those goals with your parents clearly, listing them out so they can understand. That way, you can slowly shift towards working on your own dreams instead of theirs.
9. Limit Interactions
If no real progress is being made, don't be afraid to limit interactions with your parents if it's what's needed. It's about protecting yourself from harm - if they belittle you or make you feel less than you're worth, it's okay to see them less often. Having difficult parents is okay only if they're willing to work on their relationship with you too.
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10. Love Yourself
Never forget that you don't need anyone else to give you love, you can do that yourself. Treat yourself well and don't let anyone, not even your parents get you down. Being related by blood doesn't mean much if they don't take care of you, so learn to be your own best supporter.
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